General depression and introversion?

I am not really looking for a specific answer, but hopefully someone with similar experiences. Because of the way I grew up, I think I developed a coping mechanism that helped me deal with problems early on. I've had an unfortunate upbringing with a cold, distant mother who physically and emotionally abused me (not ually, thank God), and an absent-minded, alcoholic father. It wasn't too long before I got over it and lived a decent, emotionally stable life during my tweens. To get to the point, I learned to forgive my family, accept them as imperfect people and still love them very much. I can remember becoming distant from my self from whatever issue that came up in order to deal with it without getting caught up in my emotions. I honestly believe that I've managed to get rid of a larger part my ego, an idea that I took to heart from reading the teachings of Jesus Christ. I want to note that I am aware how some people can become self delusional about religion in general and don't feel that this is the case with me, but I could be wrong. The only way I can ure myself of this is because of how easy it is for me to be compionate towards people, especially towards complete strangers. I ended up being very introverted and had no need to say anything that wasn't practical. I love being quiet, is a kind of peaceful bliss not being attached to the world. The problem, I think, may stem from me being distant from my own problems and putting people before myself. Let me describe what I mean by being distant, for lack of a better term. I use to feel hurt seeing my dad drinking, wasting all of his money and pretty much neglecting our family's needs. I learned to control my feelings and accept it. It wasn't really that bad after a while. His drunken stupor was the best time to take money out of his wallet to buy food, clothes and shoes and pizza. To get back to the point, I tend to be doormat but I'm not as submissive as some people think; I try to be as agreeable towards people only because there are some people you just can't really talk to, so you just say whatever they want to hear. The people I'm mostly talking about are those who have big egos and those who are mean and ugly out of stupidity. Now my recent problems: I never talk about my problems, I've been feeling very depressed and struggle in having an optimistic attitude and I've become more and more distant from people to the point where I do not trust anyone.I don't care about material things, I don't care about my ego, I don't care about being important and try to avoid any attention towards my self, but I still am very compionate towards people, especially in the environment where I am currently employed. I've started to become lost in my mind. I don't understand why some people can be so stupid, mean or ugly in the way they treat other people. I've become a mute to the people I know. I am unintentionally aloof and get a lot of **** from people, especially those who are very insecure about their intelligence. (Not that I consider myself intelligent. I'm aware of my limitations). This makes it incredibly difficult to talk to people. Once, I was corrected on a mistake and simply nodded. I guess it looked like I was being dismissive and the person who corrected me suddenly became very condescending, in front of all of my peers. This person was really smart, their words were very cut throat and hurtful, but I said nothing. I just stop talking completely, which made things worse. I have a lot of anxiety about my intelligence. I try my best, I don't pretend to be intelligent (it makes me cringe when I'm around people who give themselves away with generic, "smart people" jargon) and I don't judge people solely on those terms. It feels like a lot of people do and it drives me crazy. It's the same everywhere I go, people and their big egos. I can not express myself because I am forced to calculate what I say in order to throw people off when they are trying to figure me out, another thing I can't stand. I know it's hard for people to communicate with me when I don't say much, but the first impression people always get from my silent aloofness is that this guy probably thinks he's soooo smart, then that's when the ugly part of some people comes out, not as disguised as they might think. Because of my insecurity, I become paralyzed. I've tried acting stupid, but that backfires and makes it worse. I've tried telling people that I'm just introverted, but somehow I end up in similar situations.. I am very unhappy now and wish I could tell all of my worries to another person simply for that close connection, but I can't seem to become vulnerable. I'm starting to become really apathetic which makes things really easy to bare, but it is not in me to keep being this way, and eventually I become hysterical and plunge in